I said No.

You're allowed to stand up for yourself

I'm starting off by saying that because I want you to know that you do not have to compromise anything about yourself to be loved. You are allowed to stand up for yourself-ALWAYS. Your morals,   safety, and relationship with God come first. I hope this personal experience I am about to share with you, helps you out. 

So recently, a guy friend of mine reconnected with me on Instagram.  We met when I was 15 or so and he was 18. We are going to call him John for the sake of his privacy and identity.  We were both volunteering at a local youth ministry. Back then, we weren't great friends, just acquaintances. I thought he was funny and a good guy though. 

As I said, we reconnected on Instagram of all things. He followed me and then messaged me. Honestly, it was all very casual. When he asked me to get coffee with him at Wafflehouse, I said yes. It went really well. We caught up with each other's lives, and I mostly talked. What can I say, I am a talker. It was a good time. A few days later when went on a movie date. Again, it was a good time. We laughed with each other, and he was a good guy- like a really good guy. John was a worship leader, and he worked with a youth ministry. What else could a girl want? 

Truthfully, I thought I hit the jackpot with John.

Here I had an attractive, funny, and Christian guy who was into me. On our third date, I didn't think I would experience anything less than I already had. I was certainly shocked when he tried to progress things farther than a kiss with me. I was very uncomfortable. I made every excuse I could to get out of the situation. Let's just say, John was persistence. Finally, he got the hint and dropped me off at my car. After I got home, I texted him and told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to hang out again. After he what he did, I was surprised when he respected that, and John apologized to me. 

I said no.

Here's what I want to say- I was in a situation that I could have very easily have sinned. In fact, I have done so before in that situation and that's not something I am proud of. However, I am proud of how I handled the situation in the end. I do wish I would have stood up for myself better though. I should have spoken up in a clearer manner, but I will not beat myself up about that. In the end, I respected my boundaries and stood up for myself. YOU'RE ALLOWED TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! I did so and you can too. 

It felt good to be wanted, but a temporary good feeling does not rise up to God's love for me.

That does not mean God will stop loving me if I mess up, but it means I can choose him instead. It will definitely save me a lot of heartaches. He extends grace when I fail. I also want to say that I extended grace to John. I know his struggles do not define him. God's forgiveness covers him just as it covers me. I forgave him and decided to stay friends. He is not a bad guy. 

I get lonely like any other normal human being, but I knew that situation was not going to fill that loneliness. I want to feel wanted like any other normal human being, but that situation was only going to make me feel wanted briefly. God is so much more! I learned a lot from this experience. I am glad I respected myself enough to follow through with what I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted God's will for me.

I do not know if my experience will make a difference. I hope it does. You are stronger. You can stand up for yourself. You can say no. You are beautiful. You are worthy. 

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